He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just pee around me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
