Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
