he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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