1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
