we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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