i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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