I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
