Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
