we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
