Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
