Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
