I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
