do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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