Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
