is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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