I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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