I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
