I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
