I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
