I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
