it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
