I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
