Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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