I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize