my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
