a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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