can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
