Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  need another drink. this is the easiest way

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  (248): need another drink. this is the easiest way http://tfl.nu/e4gk
  Replies (1) Good night (1923) Bad night (902)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?

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  (651): What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid? http://tfl.nu/a3m4
  Replies (49) Good night (680) Bad night (3971)
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  (650): View more from California

  in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",

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  (650): in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL", http://tfl.nu/9mnv
  Replies (24) Good night (2961) Bad night (2369)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.

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  (402): so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either. http://tfl.nu/umcw
  Replies (13) Good night (4026) Bad night (1574)
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  (818): View more from California

  I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie

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  (818): I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie http://tfl.nu/1ta9
  Replies (15) Good night (825) Bad night (3973)
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  (310): View more from California

  it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.

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  (310): it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls. http://tfl.nu/2hrl
  Replies (30) Good night (10589) Bad night (1038)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree

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  (251): Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree http://tfl.nu/cqwy
  Replies (19) Good night (5806) Bad night (1131)
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  (559): View more from California

  I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.

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  (559): I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing. http://tfl.nu/i8zl
  Replies (6) Good night (5506) Bad night (1692)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height

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  (780): The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height http://tfl.nu/mxot
  Replies (9) Good night (4802) Bad night (1026)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am

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  (785): The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am http://tfl.nu/qtcn
  Replies (11) Good night (2644) Bad night (1605)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.

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  (802): No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said. http://tfl.nu/3y67
  Replies (11) Good night (667) Bad night (1453)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis

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  (850): It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis http://tfl.nu/b0bh
  Replies (3) Good night (1428) Bad night (533)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk

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  (847): being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk http://tfl.nu/qiyf
  Replies (6) Good night (1062) Bad night (509)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.

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  (972): If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it. http://tfl.nu/j3kl
  Replies (0) Good night (431) Bad night (166)
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  (953): View more from

  Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.

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  (953): Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man. http://tfl.nu/f9iu
  Replies (0) Good night (325) Bad night (63)

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