how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
