if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people