shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
