My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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