A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.