I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed