i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
