new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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