Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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