its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
