I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
