Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
