She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
