Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
