Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
