JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
