But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
how do flat chested girls get laid?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
