Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
