Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
