just tell him i said nine months
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
