You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
