Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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