I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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