you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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