My sheets look like a crime scene.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
