i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
