Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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