you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
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Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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