So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
