When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
