Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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