Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
