Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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