I'm lost and stupid without you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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