Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
