I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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