and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
