my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize