Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
