dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize