I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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