I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
