she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
