I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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