Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
