I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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