I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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