It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
