I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
