You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
