So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
