did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
