chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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