It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
