I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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