So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
