he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize