but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
