so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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